Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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