id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
