Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
