Nicole vs. Life
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
