He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
