he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
