I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
