Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
