She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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