I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
