Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
