but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
