I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
