I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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