You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
