Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
