i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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