oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
