I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
