My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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