There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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