i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
