Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
