i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
