piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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