The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
