3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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