i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
