I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
