Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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