you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
