I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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