The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
