I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
