U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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