I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
