I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
