Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You are the jesus of drinking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
