If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize