I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
