Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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