some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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