Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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