I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize