I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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