so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
