i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
