2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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