i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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