if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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