dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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