FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize