I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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