Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
