I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
