ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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