I think I died a long time ago.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize