Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
