At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Non-Jews are for practice
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
