its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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