We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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