i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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