im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
