i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
