It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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