ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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