Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it because I queefed?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
