Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
