the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
