Jerry, you need to find god
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
