i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
