well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you have to choose: penises or morals?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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