pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
