Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
