Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
