I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
