Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
