I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
