i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
