I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
