come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
