well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
