Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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