just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
