Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
