Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
