Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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