The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
