Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
