I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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