She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
