Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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