Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
