We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
