I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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