We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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