He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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