if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize