He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
