Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Enjoy the penises
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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