the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
