There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize