My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
