woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
