I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
