Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize