I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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